Julie Lythcott-Haims
Julie Lythcott-Haims believes in humans and is deeply interested in what gets in our way. Her work encompasses writing, speaking, teaching, mentoring, and activism.
She is the New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult, which gave rise to a popular TED Talk. Her second book is the critically-acclaimed and award-winning prose poetry memoir Real American, which illustrates her experience as a Black and biracial person in white spaces. Her third book, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult, has been called a “groundbreakingly frank” guide to adulthood.
Julie Lythcott-Haims holds a B.A. from Stanford and a J.D. from Harvard Law. She also holds an MFA in Writing from California College of the Arts, and an Honorary Doctor of Letters from the University of Puget Sound. She serves on the CCA Board of Trustees.
Julie lives in Palo Alto, California, the heart of Silicon Valley, where she serves on the City Council. There, she advocates for housing, equity, climate, and youth mental health. She and her lifelong partner Dan are parents to two twentysomethings. They share a home with their grown son and Julie’s amazing octogenarian mother.
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New York Times bestselling author Julie Lythcott-Haims is back with a groundbreakingly frank guide to being a grown-up, Your Turn.
What does it mean to be an adult? In the twentieth century, psychologists came up with five markers of adulthood: finish your education, get a job, leave home, marry, and have children. Since the...Read More
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Trade Paperback
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A fearless debut memoir in which beloved and bestselling How to Raise an Adult author Julie Lythcott-Haims pulls no punches in her recollections of growing up a black woman in America
“Courageous, achingly honest."
—Michelle Alexander, New York Times bestselling author of The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration ...Read More
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An anti-helicopter-parenting manifesto that sets forth an alternate philosophy for raising preteens and teens to self-sufficient young adulthood...Read More
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How to Raise Successful Kids–Without Overparenting
In this widely acclaimed talk, Julie draws on her research, conversations with educators and admission officers, and her own insights as a mother and the former dean of freshman at Stanford University to highlight the ways in which overparenting harms kids and prevents them from developing self-efficacy: the knowledge that one’s own actions lead to outcomes.
Listen as she offers practical strategies that underline the importance of allowing children to make their own mistakes and develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary to become healthy, thriving adults.
What It Means to Be Black in White Spaces
In this powerful talk on identity and community, Julie shares her experience as a Black and biracial woman growing up in white spaces. She found that even as she accomplished so much—graduating from Stanford University and Harvard Law School, working as a corporate lawyer and as Stanford’s first-ever dean of freshmen—she still couldn’t escape the grip racism, discrimination, and microaggressions had on her sense of self.
Listen as she shares how she found self-acceptance through the healing power of community. Her story is deeply personal, but its message is universal: people from marginalized communities will recognize echoes of their own experiences, and allies will learn how they can better show up, listen, and advocate for others.
Throw Out the Checklisted Childhood
The world looks vastly different for kids today than it did for their parents. Everything is highly connected, fast-moving, and often overwhelming. As a result, many students feel lost, lonely, empty, unsure, insecure, or ashamed.
In this compassionate and inspiring talk, Julie encourages kids and educators alike to throw out the checklist of accomplishments they’ve been told will lead to a happy life—the classes they should take, the requirements they need to meet, the short list of colleges they must get into—and instead focus on finding the courage to be who they are.
Becoming Yourself
Julie began her career as a litigator in Silicon Valley. She then became a Stanford dean, and now she’s a writer. From her own life trajectory and from working with tens of thousands of our nation’s best and brightest young adults, Julie has a clear sense of how we become the humans we want to be, and of what gets in our way. Julie’s style of storytelling moves people. They feel she “gets” them. They laugh, they contemplate, and sometimes they even get emotional. After the talk they’re motivated to invest in their own growth and development.
It’s My Life, And I’m Going to Live It My Way (Or At Least Try)!
Drawing upon her decade as Stanford’s dean of freshmen, in this talk Julie helps teens and young adults feel seen in the struggle to forge a healthy whole self amid the stresses of growing up and the expectations and behaviors of family. Listen as she offers practical tips for figuring out who you are and what you want, as well as advice for how to get out from under those who want to be in charge of your life.
“Julie Lythcott-Haims: What’s The Harm In Overparenting?”
“In aftermath of George Floyd’s death, maybe Generation Z can help us heal”
“‘Hood Feminism’ makes a convincing — and urgent — case about how race and class divide women”
“How to Raise an Anti-Racist Kid”
“Former dean explains low college admission rates”
“Season 2, Episode 12: ‘How to Stop the Cycle of Overachieving'”
“E41: Julie Lythcott Haims: Author, Activist, and Educator.”
“Julie Lythcott-Haims on Being a ‘Real American’ and Growing Up Black”
“Coronavirus is prompting young adults to move home with mom and dad. But should they?”
“These Parents Finally Had Empty Nests—And Then Their Kids Came Home to Quarantine”
Keep up with Julie on her website.
“Julie was an incredibly engaging, authentic, and wise speaker. It was clear from every interaction she had with members of our community that being on our campus meant something to her. Her narrative weaved in stories that tugged at our emotions, taught us important lessons about history and social science, and modeled in her resolve what it means to be a reflective human being. She is multifaceted and offers holistic wisdom to school communities. On a personal level, I feel inspired. As an institution, her visit has left us with actionable questions to consider.”
— Groton School, Groton, MA“Julie is a gifted speaker and a wonderful woman, and we were thrilled to have her speak with our students, faculty, staff and parents.”
— Suzanne Gottlieb Calleja, Associate Head of School for Communications & Strategic Partnerships, Palmer Trinity School“Julie was spectacular—her style was fantastic, and her presentation really resonated, especially when almost everyone in the audience was guilty as charged!”
— Ross Ellis, Vice President and Managing Director, SEI“[Julie] is a phenomenal speaker, and such a lovely person. Her talk was so well received (standing ovation!), and she was so kind to everyone who wanted to talk to her.”
— Cathy Adams, CEO, Zen Parenting Radio“One word sums it up: WOW! Julie was just terrific. Her very personal and powerful presentation just added to the energy and power generated by the opening session. She could not have been more gracious in her interactions with all of our students. We are just thrilled that Julie could join us.”
— Brentwood School, Los Angeles, CA“We had a PHENOMENAL visit with Julie. Every moment she spent on campus with our community members was filled with love, energy and authenticity. I was thanked a million times over for bringing Julie to campus from students, faculty, staff, and parents alike. She had us laughing and crying alongside her. Meeting Julie and having the privilege to spend not just one, but two days with her has been a professional highlight over my 27 years at Andover.”
— Aya S. Murata, Associate Director, College Counseling and Ninth Grade Course Head, Empathy, Balance & Inclusion Program, Phillips Academy“She was one of the best speakers we have ever heard and her message was just right at just the right time. This was a ‘nail on the head’ kind of experience for us. She encouraged us to let go, to broaden our view of pathways our students might walk post-high school, and to continue to confirm their worth to us as humans regardless of a GPA, a test score, or any other performance. We were inspired and uplifted and we cannot wait to start living out some of her suggestions.”
— Skyline High School“Three standing ovations in three days from three different groups of stakeholders is a pretty good record. Her messages about the dangers of overparenting—with the millennial generation being overprotected, overly directed and over handled—were relevant and thought-provoking.”
— Atlanta International School“Julie was absolutely amazing. We were inspired and excited. We’ve never had a better speaker; it was exactly the message our parents needed to hear.”
— Episcopal School of Dallas“Julie’s visit was fantastic. Her presentation to the parents was wonderful as was her talk with the Upper School students. As Julie may attest, our families are in the thick of wrapping their heads around all that it means to be a teenager and a parent in this time of the college admissions ‘arms race’ and many were so grateful that Julie is approaching this all-important topic head on.”
— St. John’s School (Houston, TX)“We found Julie’s topic and presentation to be extremely compelling. With over 900 people in attendance, it would be easy for a parent to feel like one of the masses. However, Julie has a wonderful way of presenting this vital information as if you are two parents talking about your kids over coffee. The book is well researched, timely and helpful. It is incredibly reassuring to know that Julie is a parent of teens—just like us—and searching for ways to raise healthy, happy children. We would highly recommend her to other organizations!”
— Peninsula Parent Speaker Series“Wow, she is an amazing presenter! She really got a buzz started here.”
— Mercer Island“Julie was truly engaging and thought-provoking. So many attendees at the breakfast told me how much they appreciated her insight.”
— Covenant Foundation“Powerful and embracing delivery from Ms. Julie Lythcott-Haims. Parent University was proud to present the community with such an inspiring speaker. Julie was funny, warm, bright and thoughtful on and off the stage.”
— Davis Parent University“Standing room only. Record number of books sold. Parents lives changed. Our district has hosted dozens of speakers over the years. Julie’s talk is by far the most relevant, timely, and powerful of all we have offered. Her style is honest, funny, and heartwarming. She is someone to whom all parents can relate and her content is second-to-none. I can’t recommend Julie highly enough. I wish we could all have little ‘pocket Julie’s’ to carry with us, daily offering us wisdom and advice as we attempt to do the hardest job in the world–raising happy and healthy kids.”
— Erik Burmeister, Menlo Park City School District“Our event with Julie Lythcott-Haims was a smash hit. She was just delightful, wise and really drove home a message with our community that was well-received.”
— Ridgefield Public Schools“Julie was very well received by students, faculty, staff and parents! She is down to earth, and speaks from heart with amazing insight and the studies to back up her findings. Her presentation has started a school-wide conversation, that is building on other work the school is already doing. We are so very glad we invited Julie to speak.”
— Kathleen McCulloch, MVHS PTSA Parent Ed Seminar CoordinatorBook This Speaker
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